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The Transformative Courage to See: Empathy in Action

Writer's picture: Yaakov LazarYaakov Lazar

What does it mean to truly see someone? To not just look at their actions, but to recognize their struggles, their pain, and their humanity? It’s easy to judge others from a distance, but true connection requires stepping closer and meeting them where they are. Moshe’s journey as a leader begins not with grand gestures or miracles, but with this very act: he saw his brethren’s burdens and allowed himself to be moved by their pain. The Aish Kodesh, notes that true leadership emerges not in comfort but amidst shared suffering. Moshe’s ability to step out of his palace and immerse himself in the pain of his brethren reflects the essence of redemptive empathy. This act of leaving his privileged position to deeply connect with others’ burdens was not merely an act of kindness but a revolutionary moment of spiritual growth.


The Torah captures this pivotal moment in Moshe’s life: “And it came to pass in those days that Moshe grew up and went out to his brethren, and he saw (vayar) their burdens” (Exodus 2:11).


The word vayar, “he saw”, is not merely an act of observation but a profound moment of connection. The Sefat Emet explains that vayar signifies a deeper kind of perception, one that bridges the gap between individuals and fosters true empathy. Rashi emphasizes that Moshe’s “seeing” was not superficial. He felt the burdens of his people deeply and personally, recognizing their physical toil and emotional anguish. The Netziv elaborates that Moshe discerned not only the weight of their suffering but also the scars it left behind. Moshe didn’t just see their struggles from the comfort of his privileged position; he immersed himself in their reality.


This act of seeing was transformative, not passive, but active and empathetic. The Midrash (Shemot Rabbah 1:27) illustrates how Moshe physically helped alleviate the burdens of Bnei Yisroel. True empathy, it teaches, is not passive; it demands action. Rabbi Shimon Russell emphasizes that seeing someone’s pain is a powerful beginning, but it must lead to tangible support. To genuinely help someone, we must go beyond acknowledging their struggles and actively seek ways to ease their burdens.


Rabbi Nachman of Breslov teaches that even the smallest acts of kindness, when infused with genuine empathy, can ignite hope in someone who feels lost. Moshe exemplified this principle in both thought and deed. His compassion wasn’t limited to feeling his people’s pain; it propelled him to take tangible steps to make their suffering more bearable. By stepping into their world and sharing their struggles, Moshe validated their pain and carried their burdens alongside them.


The Kedushat Levi highlights that when we truly see another’s struggles, we honor their divine essence, recognizing the holiness within them. The Aish Kodesh adds that this kind of seeing, acknowledging another’s pain without judgment, is an act of spiritual elevation. It deepens our empathy, restores dignity to the oppressed, and creates connections that transcend differences. Moshe’s courage to see wasn’t just about understanding suffering; it was about transformation, his own and that of his people.


Leadership, as Moshe’s story illustrates, does not begin with grand strategies or miracles. It begins with humility, vulnerability, and the courage to see. To see is to acknowledge another’s pain, validate their struggles, and act to ease their burden. Rabbi Russell expands on this idea, explaining that effective leadership and parenting require attunement not only to external behaviors but also to the unspoken cries of the heart. This attunement allows us to address the root of pain, not just its surface manifestations.

 

In modern contexts, whether in parenting, education, or community roles, the principle of empathy in action remains as vital as ever. Leaders who truly see others—not as problems to be solved but as individuals with inherent dignity—foster environments where people feel valued, heard, and supported. The Kedushat Levi reminds us that when we recognize the divine image within others, we also elevate our own humanity.


Moshe’s example challenges us to ask: How can I help lighten this load? Whether through listening, offering practical assistance, or simply being present, our actions, however small, can make a meaningful difference. Empathy is a call to action. It transforms compassion into connection and connection into transformation. By following Moshe’s example, we can bring light to even the darkest moments and help carry the weight of another’s burden.


Supporting Unseen Burdens: The Power of Validation


Moshe’s ability to truly see and act on his people’s pain demonstrates the power of empathy in leadership. Yet, many of the struggles we encounter in others are hidden beneath the surface, requiring us to look deeper and respond with validation and understanding.


Beneath the surface, many people carry unseen burdens. Anxiety might look like calmness, masking an internal storm of fear. Depression may appear as withdrawal, concealing profound sadness. These hidden struggles call for compassion and curiosity, encouraging us to look beyond behaviors and recognize the deeper stories of pain they reveal.


When someone is struggling, well-meaning phrases like “You’ll get over it” or “It’s not that bad” can unintentionally deepen feelings of isolation and inadequacy. Moshe’s example offers a different approach. He didn’t dismiss Bnei Yisroels’ burdens as insignificant or temporary; instead, he validated their pain and shared in their struggles. He looked beyond the surface, acknowledging the reality of their suffering without judgment.


Validation does not mean agreeing with every perspective or condoning every action. It means recognizing someone’s feelings as real and important. This act of acknowledgment can be a powerful catalyst for healing, reassuring individuals that their struggles are seen and their pain matters. For example:


  • Anxiety: It’s not just worry; it’s an overwhelming, often inescapable fear.

  • Depression: It’s not laziness; it’s a heavy fog that makes even the simplest tasks feel insurmountable.

  • Rebellion: It’s often a cry for help, not defiance.

  • Substance Abuse: It’s frequently a way of numbing deeper pain, not just a choice.

  • Disconnection: Feelings of not belonging can lead to profound self-doubt and withdrawal.


Rabbi Nachman of Breslov emphasizes the importance of finding the nekudah tovah, the good point, within every individual, even when it is hidden beneath layers of struggle. By focusing on their inner goodness, we not only validate their experiences but also help them reconnect with their sense of worth. This process requires asking questions such as: What pain is driving this action? What burden is this person silently carrying?


Moshe’s ability to truly see and validate his brethren’s pain serves as a timeless model for supporting those in emotional or mental distress. He didn’t judge the external manifestations of their struggles but looked deeper, stepping into their reality with profound empathy. The Kedushat Levi teaches that this kind of seeing is more than a moral obligation—it is a spiritual one. By taking the time to understand another’s struggles, we draw closer to their divine essence, recognizing their inherent holiness even in their darkest moments.


Supporting those with unseen burdens requires patience, empathy, and the courage to look past behaviors that may initially seem perplexing or frustrating. By seeking to understand the silent pain behind their actions, we can help others feel seen, valued, and supported. This approach not only fosters connection and healing but also strengthens our own capacity for compassion.


As Moshe’s example shows, validating another’s struggles lays the foundation for trust and meaningful connection. It encourages resilience and healing, reminding us that true support begins with the courage to see and the willingness to act. By practicing patience, understanding, and validation, we create pathways toward hope and renewal, not just for others but for ourselves as well.


Meeting People Where They Are


Once we recognize and validate the unseen burdens others carry, the next step is to meet them where they are. Empathy calls us to set aside our expectations and enter their reality, fostering trust and connection.


Empathy means meeting people where they are, not where we expect them to be. This can be challenging, as it requires us to set aside our expectations and assumptions. For example, when a teen is struggling academically, the immediate instinct might be to push them harder, assuming they need more discipline. Instead, meeting them where they are might mean taking the time to understand the emotional or mental challenges underlying their struggles. Similarly, in a workplace, a team member who seems disengaged might not need a reprimand but rather a conversation to uncover what’s going on in their life. Strategies for applying this principle include practicing patience, asking open-ended questions, and creating a safe space for others to express their feelings without fear of judgment. The Kedushat Levi emphasizes that stepping into another’s experience is a deeply spiritual act. It allows us to connect with their reality instead of imposing our own perspective.


For parents, this might mean listening to your teen without immediately offering advice. For educators, it might mean asking what’s behind a student’s struggles instead of assuming laziness or defiance. Empathy begins with understanding, not fixing.


The Aish Kodesh teaches us that seeing someone’s pain can create a ripple effect of healing. By meeting someone where they are, we validate their experience, showing them that their struggles matter and that they are not alone. This act of connection often inspires them to take steps toward healing and growth.


The Art of Truly Seeing: Honoring Pain and Fostering Healing


To truly see someone requires patience, humility, and vulnerability. It means setting aside our assumptions and being fully present with their pain, creating a space where they feel safe, heard, and understood. For parents, educators, and anyone supporting those who are struggling, this approach is both vital and transformative.

 

Rabbi Shimon Russell emphasizes that truly seeing someone isn’t about immediately fixing their problem but about creating a safe, supportive space where healing can begin. Often, the simple act of being seen and heard fosters growth and connection necessary for resilience. Moshe’s example illustrates this principle beautifully. When he observed the burdens of his brethren, he didn’t minimize their struggles or rush to solve them. Instead, he acknowledged their pain and immersed himself in their reality.


Empathy begins by stepping into another’s world. Teens and individuals facing mental health challenges often feel misunderstood because adults impose their logic on an emotional world. Well-intentioned comments like, “You have so much to be happy about,” or “Just focus on school, and things will get better,” can inadvertently dismiss their experiences. Instead, Moshe’s example teaches us that the first step in supporting someone is to honor their pain without judgment.


Building a Community of Empathy


While individual acts of empathy are transformative, the ripple effect becomes even more profound when entire communities embrace this approach. Building a culture of empathy allows us to support individuals while fostering collective healing.


Empathy is not only an individual act—it must extend to communities. Rabbi Shimon Russell teaches that communal responsibility is essential for fostering collective healing. Communities thrive when they create safe spaces where individuals feel seen, supported, and valued. This requires a shared commitment to empathy, active listening, and the prioritization of mental health and well-being.


For example, schools that train teachers to recognize signs of mental health struggles can prevent students from slipping through the cracks. Similarly, workplaces that encourage open dialogue about challenges foster trust, collaboration, and resilience. By embedding empathy into the fabric of institutions, we can create environments where people feel safe to express their pain and access the support they need.


Rabbi Russell emphasizes that these collective acts of empathy go beyond reducing stigma—they inspire systemic change. Communities, whether they are schools, synagogues, or broader networks, have a responsibility to prioritize understanding and care over judgment. Just as Moshe’s leadership inspired the collective redemption of the Jewish people, modern communities must aim to foster connection and resilience on a larger scale.


By building a culture of empathy, we can create transformative ripple effects. When individuals feel truly seen within their communities, they are empowered to heal and grow. In turn, they contribute to a network of care that strengthens everyone. This mutual support promotes resilience, fosters trust, and inspires hope for a brighter, more compassionate future.


The Foundation of Leadership


Ultimately, Moshe’s example reminds us that true leadership begins with the courage to see and act on the pain of others. His journey offers a timeless framework for building empathy and resilience in our own lives, families, and communities.

  

Moshe’s journey begins with the courage to see others’ pain, to set aside his own assumptions, and to connect with their reality. The primary lesson from Shemot is the importance of understanding how trauma and pain shape a person’s daily life and thoughts. Moshe’s ability to see the anguish of his brethren was his first step in becoming a true leader. He saw beyond their physical burdens and connected to their emotional and spiritual pain, validating their struggles and recognizing their humanity. For parents, educators, and community members, this is the foundation of supporting those who are at risk or suffering from mental anguish. Moshe’s example teaches us that by truly seeing someone’s pain—not just their actions but the struggles beneath—we create a pathway to healing and growth.


This week, challenge yourself to practice one act of empathetic seeing. Whether it’s listening without interrupting, acknowledging someone’s pain, or simply being present, remember that these small acts can ripple into profound change. Moshe’s transformative courage to see teaches us that leadership and connection begin with the simplest yet most profound act: truly seeing another. In our homes, schools, workplaces, and communities, this courage allows us to validate pain, foster healing, and create lasting change. Each act of empathetic seeing—whether it’s listening without interrupting, acknowledging someone’s struggles, or simply being present, has the potential to ripple outward, inspiring hope and resilience in others.


As we follow Moshe’s example, let us commit to bringing light into dark moments, supporting those around us, and building communities rooted in compassion. In doing so, we not only uplift others but also transform ourselves into more compassionate leaders and stronger, more connected human beings.


Have a Wonderful Shabbos!!!

Yaakov Lazar, Executive Director, Kol Haneshamot


Top 10 Practical Steps to Truly See and Support


  1. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Create space for others to share their feelings without fear of judgment. “How are you feeling?” or “What’s been hard for you?”

  2. Listen with Patience: Resist the urge to interrupt, solve, or correct. Focus on understanding their perspective.

  3. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge emotions as real and important, offering reassurance.: “That sounds overwhelming.” or “I can see why that would hurt.”

  4. Acknowledge Their Reality: Recognize the weight of their struggles without minimizing their experiences. “I see that this is really hard for you.”

  5. Reassure Them of Your Presence: Let them know they are not alone. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

  6. Avoid Comparisons: Statements like “others have it worse” can unintentionally minimize their pain. Focus on their unique experience.

  7. Be Patient: Trust and healing take time. Show consistency in your support.

  8. Avoid Imposing Logic on Emotions: Recognize that their struggles may not align with logical explanations. Respect their feelings without trying to “fix” them.

  9. Step Into Their World: Empathy means entering their emotional space without judgment. Seek to understand their reality as they experience it.

  10. Reflect Their Inner Worth: Honor their humanity and recognize the divine essence within them through compassion and understanding.

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